#feeling like a small prey animal bc ppl kept getting too close to me and that is. bad.

[orcelito]

Great to know my mind can still break by someone standing a Little too close to me for a Little too long

[strawberry-milktea]

I don't want to socialize. I don't like it. I don't even want a huge group of friends--maybe a couple I feel comfortable with. I don't want a bf til I can be independent. I do want to move out and have my own space. And I want a fulfiling job. That is my dream. Specifically to write and fight injustice like terrorism, human trafficking, abuse (no idea how to do that). Never wanted to be conventional. Have a pet sitting "business" - always hard to talk to clients, rather be w animals. I have a ha

I have a hard time trusting God because I do not want to do things I don’t like. I want to do the things I want to do for a living; God wants me to do something social. Anyone who is not good at social things is less in the eyes of God and everyone else. I do NOT want to have such a shameful weakness- I mean, afraid of people? How stupid. But I would rather be alone and read, write etc most of the time. I like it better that being w ppl. But God wants us to love ppl and be w them all the time

I mean, you have to be good at social things to be successful, to have a job. If you aren’t, you have to make up for it in a LOT of skills of other kinds. Which I don’t have. I do not want a walmart job- but couldn’t even do that, much less what I want to do–something to do with national security etc. I

If God wants me to change and be social, then that IS where my value lies and I am not valuable like this.

Had internship after school but they fired me bc I was too nervous and couldn’t do the job. W public defender. Had to interview ppl in jail and ask them questions from a sheet. There was a math question on it. Could not figure it out. They gave me a book to learn it but I could not concentrate w ppl around. Math+social? Impossible. Same w vol this summer- messed up change bc customer talking to me. Don’t know what I actually have ability to do… :( cant be at parents forever.

I don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong. I want to use my strengths to glorify God. Ppl using their strengths in a job, their talents, will make both them and others happy bc it will simply be a better product. Who wants to read a book by a bad author, for example?

I have asked God for help. To get me a job. Make me do things. He did not help me.

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Hi there,

Personally speaking, I’m not big on socializing. I’m the type of person who enjoys spending time with people who I am close with and trust.. and that’s only a handful of people. If I’m comfortable with you, I can keep talking for a long time and I genuinely enjoy it! But if I’m not comfortable with someone and/or it’s just surface small talk, it can start to feel like interacting becomes a chore or it can feel a bit awkward. I also get drained and anxious feeling pretty quickly in settings with large crowds. I’m an introvert and it sounds like you are too - and introversion is definitely not something inherently negative or wrong. But the concern here regarding your situation is it seems like your introversion is related to a lot of deep-seated fears (which if I recall correctly, are linked to past hurts) and it’s interfering with your life in a way that is making you unhappy. And it’s definitely clear that the enemy is preying on this by doing a number on your self-confidence and feeding you the lie that you aren’t valuable or loved by God if socializing is a challenge for you.

Your claim that “anyone who is not good at social things is less in the eyes of God and everyone else” is not Biblical. God’s love for us is proven by the fact that He died on the cross to make the free gift of salvation through faith in Christ possible. The Word also tells us that we become righteous in His eyes as a result of accepting Christ so that our sins are washed away and we become white as snow.

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” - 2 Corinthians 5:21

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” - Isaiah 1:18

There is no reason to believe that God loves you less or thinks of you as lesser because socializing is difficult for you. That’s a flat out lie from the enemy meant to attack your confidence and weaken your faith in God. You’re correct when you say God wants us to always love others. However, it is inaccurate to say God expects us to be around people all the time. One example that proves God does not expect this is that we are told to pray in private and spend time alone with the Father (Matthew 6:6). We are not commanded to be in the presence of others 24/7 nor is always being around people socializing a requirement to fulfill the command of to loving others.

Socializing does serve various purposes that can help both yourself and others, and glorify Him. One example of this is carrying out the Great Commission. Communicating with others is how we tell people about Christ. However, you don’t have to be the strong at verbally talking in order to socialize and communicate with others. He can use the areas you do have strengths in to serve others. And at the same time, He can help you get stronger at the areas of socializing you aren’t so strong at - but you have to allow Him to do that work in you. If you completely shut yourself off to the idea of doing things outside of your comfort zone, He won’t force His help upon you.

Using myself as an example, I am definitely stronger at articulating myself about matters of faith in writing versus verbally speaking. Sometimes I get nervous verbally speaking and the enemy likes to attack my confidence in these moments. I believe that He allowed for me to use this blog as a means of carrying out the Great Commission because a strength of mine lies in written communication. But at the same time, He’s put me in situations of verbally talking to people about faith to show me that even though communicating verbally isn’t my strongest area, He provides the perfect words and the nervousness melts away when you trust and allow Him to work in you.

Another example relating to your situation about work concerns is that when I first started working, I was terrified to answer the phones. I was so afraid of sounding silly and talking to a stranger on the other end of the line. However, I made peace with the fact that this is a big part of my job. And it certainly felt awkward at first because it was outside of my comfort zone. But when I kept doing it, it became something I do without a second thought - and it feels really nice when I think about how nervous I used to feel over it and how now it’s really not much of a big deal. I sometimes still get moments where fumble over my words a little because like I said, verbal communication isn’t one of my strongest areas. I don’t think I’ll ever feel as much ease handling work phone calls as I do when say talking to a family member or a friend. But that’s okay - I don’t need to be perfect at articulating myself or feel comfort as if the person on the other end of the line is my best friend in order to get my job done. Likewise, you don’t have to demand a level of perfection of yourself in socializing in order to be functional at the job that He wants for you.

What is so important to understand is that when you ask God for help, you have to be willing to accept that help. He won’t force you or make you do something.. you’ve admitted that you don’t want to do things that you don’t want to. So if you’ve made up your mind that you can’t socialize, it’s impossible for it to be any other way, and you won’t keep trying at it, He won’t make you do something differently. You have freewill.. and if you use your freewill to be stubborn and refuse for Him to work in you because you’re afraid and/or don’t want to do things outside of your comfort zone, He will respect that decision. You can’t accuse Him of not helping you when you are only willing to accept His help on your terms and not His. And by refusing the idea of any type of change or doing something that is potentially uncomfortable until you get used to it, you can block Him from working in you - not because He isn’t able to or doesn’t want to, but because He won’t force you to change or take a certain action. It’s unfair to believe He isn’t helping you if you’re expecting Him to make you do something, simply because He doesn’t make people do things. That would work against the freewill He has given us if He forced us to do things against our will.

I can’t know what God specifically wants for you in terms of the job meant for you.. I can offer my thoughts and advice based on what you tell me, but when it comes to what path He wants for you, I have no way of knowing that. That’s why it’s so important for you pray and seek His guidance with this, as this is something between you and Him. I think you also need to reach a point of accepting that there will be some degree of communication necessary, no matter what that job is. The degree of socializing in jobs will vary, but every job requires some sort of communication with others in order for tasks to he completed. Even people who are self-employed have to communicate with others at times. You of course aren’t required to be in a job where there’s a lot of socializing involved, but you will need to do it sometimes no matter what the job - your pet sitting business is an example of that. Even though you work with the pets most of the time, you still have to talk with the pets’ owners at times.

It’s not a shameful weakness to have a hard time communicating with people, and it’s not something impossible to get stronger with. It may be impossible to get past this by your own power, but it’s possible when you seek Christ and rely on Him for strength. The Word tells us all things are possible with Christ.

“But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” - Matthew 19:26

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13

Try to tackle the fear and consider what is motivating your fear of socializing. Are you afraid of looking silly to others? Afraid of what they think of you? Ask yourself: what is the worst that can happen if you say stuttered or lost your train of thought when talking to someone out of nervousness? Chances are you are actually thinking worse of yourself than what the other person is thinking of you. Also, it’s important to remember when you accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, you seek His approval - you no longer need to be in the bondage of seeking approval of man:

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” - Galatians 1:10

That’s why it’s so important to adapt the mindset of, “Even if someone did decide to think I’m weird because I stumbled over my words or felt nervous talking to them.. so what? What they think of me ultimately doesn’t matter.” I’m definitely not saying this is a mindset that is easy to have or one that you adapt to overnight. It’s something I still struggle with at times, too. But when I find myself in those moments, I try to ask myself if I’m worrying about what others think or what He thinks, if my worrying over what others think will even ultimately matter in any way or is it just the enemy preying on my self-consciousness. With His help and continually drawing nearer to Him/strengthening your relationship with Him, you can overcome this fear. He can help you to lay down the fears and self-consciousness and have an easier time communicating. At first it may feel difficult and like something you don’t want to do, but growth often feels like something you don’t want to do in the moment. But after you get past the discomfort and see how He’s helped you to become stronger, you find yourself thankful that you listened to Him and didn’t remain stagnant in your comfort zone.

Most people tend to want to remain in their comfort zones because it’s what is familiar to them. Many times, even if on some level a desire for something to change is there, it just feels good to remain in what you know with certainty you can do with ease. I see that in your words - you desire more (the right job, a boyfriend, independence, etc), but at the same time you want to only achieve these things on your terms and are stubborn against going outside the comfort zone out of fear. And I really do get it - the unknown can be scary and nobody enjoys the idea of venturing into something new with the possibility of failing at it. But we can’t allow the fear of the unknown and the possibility of failing to hold us back. When we do, it’s how we become stagnant and never move forward. Fear can be paralyzing, stopping you from succeeding and doing what He wants you to do before you even try. You can’t allow past times you haven’t succeeded to hold you back.. that’s the enemy using those times to chip away at your trust in the Lord and your confidence. The enemy loves reminding you of the parts of your past that you want to forget and leave behind.

I remember you mentioning in past messages your concerns about living with your parents. If you are worried about that, talk openly about it with them. Tell them your worries about living there until you find the right job. Chances are, they aren’t bothered by you living there but instead, it’s your own fear causing you to feel self-conscious about it. Maybe they could also offer you support and guidance about your career concerns, too.

You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and wants to guide you in this. You also have brothers and sisters in Christ who love you and want to help in any way they can. The enemy will try to make you believe you’re facing this alone, but you aren’t.